Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Trusting. Again.

To me, trust is walking the walk, so to speak. I have a very low baseline of trust for most people and it is built by observing how they conduct themselves with me and with others. The more genuine the person, the easier it is for me to trust them. Sometimes I just have to go on blind faith that I can trust until I am given a reason not to.

Before I met James, I was broken. Trust is not easy for me and it has been a process. Some days I have to remind myself that it would not be fair to punish him for the sins of those that came before him. In other words, it would not be fair to him to spend all of my time just waiting for the other shoe to drop and have him hurt me. As I have said many times before, I questioned the hell out of him in the beginning. There was NO WAY I was going to let myself be taken advantage of and I didn't want to waste time dealing with someone who was wrong for me.

He answered my questions honestly and even more surprisingly was when he didn't have an answer (because my questions can be painfully detailed), he just said he didn't know. I respect someone who can admit they don't know it all. As my respect for him grew, so did my trust. As my trust grew, so did my love. It IS possible to trust again.

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