Friday, November 8, 2013

To share, or not to share, that is the question.

I've reached a point in my life where I have decided to entertain the idea of dating again.  The woman I've morphed into over the past few years barely resembles the creature I once was.  Instead of looking for someone to complete me, I feel I am at a point where I have something to offer someone else.  I finally have something positive to bring to the table of a relationship.

That being said, here's my dilemma.  I have been emailing back and forth for about a week with a guy.  For the first 3 days, I had no idea of what he looked like.  That was actually kind of fun.  Words were all that mattered.  There was no room for petty judgments.  On day four, I got to see some photos (I'll fess up, I had to PAY to join the site because I didn't want to lose contact with him once Free Weekend Registration was over), and was pleasantly surprised.  He's rather handsome.  I'm really enjoying getting to know him.  He's articulate, has a sense of humor, doesn't live too far away, and works in a profession that I once considered going in to.  So far so good.

He has his own blog and writes about his thoughts on various topics and happenings.  I mentioned that I had a blog too, but wasn't sure if I was ready to give him the link yet.  I told him that he should know that I'm a recovering alcoholic and he was cool with that.  Points for him!  I want to share my blog with him so he can get to know me better, but I don't want to scare him away.  My blog has always been honest and somewhat, well, REAL.  I write about my reality as it was and is, and some people may not be well suited to being hit over the head with it.

I have always struggled with timing in relationships.  I like to lay all my cards out on the table early on so as if to say, "Here's who I am.  If you like it, great!  If not, let's smile and part ways."  I think that's how I protect myself.  I never want to be accused of hiding something in the beginning that may be a game changer down the line.  I'm not very good at knowing how long to hold my cards though.  That line of "Dear gods, don't tell him this already, it's only been a WEEK" and "He seems like such a good fit, I just want him to know it all so he doesn't change his mind later" is a very blurry line for me.

While typing this, I realized something.  No matter what I decide to do, I'll be OK.  I'm no longer dependent on other people's reactions to me to define my happiness.  Holy shit, I think I've grown up!

2 comments:

  1. First off - I just fell in love with you all over again! 2nd - Yay you for realizing that you'll be okay either way.
    Hold onto the newness for as long as you can, cuz we all know that shit isn't permanent but it is AMAZING while its there!
    As far as the rest of it, just go with whatever you feel in the moment. Share a little bit at a time, or dump it all on him at once. Whatever feels right. I have killed many a possible relationship by overthinking every single thing, don't do that.
    Have fun ;)

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    1. Thank you, sweetie. I'm just going to go with the flow and see what happens. Thanks for reading and leaving a comment. :-) <3 you!

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