Friday, July 13, 2012

I make no secret about being a drunk.  Today I am relieved to say I am a sober drunk.  Being in recovery has its ups and downs, but the alternative is not pretty.  Jails, institutions, and death.  Those are the 3 outcomes for a addict like me if I give up and stop working the 12-Step program that has saved me from myself.

That being said, it should not be surprising that most of my friends are in recovery.  Some times the things they say blow me away and I am equally surprised by my response.  My friend Natalie is one of those people.  She is a wordsmith by nature, and a fancy-pants chef by choice.  This is a post I copied from her facebook page to keep for prosperity (or at least to refresh my own riddled short-term memory).
Sometimes, i don't want to be in recovery..

Some days, i don't want to know that the way i feel i am completely responsible for.. I don't want to know that my side of the street is dirty too.. I want to just be mad at you, i want to point my finger, but instead I can only be aware of my part..

I want to claim the victim, when reality is, i am only a victim of my own selfish nature. I want to react, i want to be indignant, i want to be ignorant and even belligerent..but i know the root of my anger is my own fear.

Sometimes, i don't want to have acceptance be my answer, i don't want to know that forgiveness is the only way to true freedom..I don't want to know that our only second chance might be to choose differently with the next person..

But the calmness in my heart, the still voice that has made it's home in my chest, with it's hand on my shoulder, keeps allowing me to see things from your shoes..

Sometimes, i don't want to know I'm powerless over changing your mind..

But this is the design for living that saved my life. So, today.. I'm grateful to be in recovery.
 This was my response:

Truer words could not be said. I've said before that sometimes I just want to be ungrateful & complain about how rough it is to be me, but that overwhelming sense of gratitude the program has instilled in me really gets in the way of that. It's rough when too much gratitude is my biggest problem. Lol

It true. All of it. I am so grateful for all of my fellow drunks and the knowledge they have shared with me over the years.


1 comment:

  1. it is rough when too much gratitude is our biggest problem. Being responsible for ourselves is so lame sometimes when we want to pout. But ultimately, lifs is so fucking good on this side that we get over it pretty damn quickly. Love you girl! grateful for you as my sober sister.