Sunday, April 22, 2012

As promised - an explanation of why rabbits scare the bejeezus out of me.

Yep, you read it right.  Rabbit scare the hell out of me.  Seriously.  Like "scream like a girl and run away" scare me.  Why, you may ask?  Well...I blame big brother for that.  Not Big Brother, as in "The Man" or aliens who steal our thoughts (or do they implant them? I never CAN remember why the people with the tinfoil hats are wearing them), but big brother as in MY big brother.  Here's where it all started...<cue duh duh duhn scary music>

Big brother is 6 years older than I am, so when mom and dad went out, he was in charge.  If you are a 16-yr old boy, one of the last things you want to do on a Friday night is babysit your 10-yr old sister.  In a stroke of pure genius, he figured out that if he rents a movie for annoying little sister (aka me), she will watch it and he can make out his his girlfriend or watch porn or both, in the next room.  Enter this movie:  Watership_Down. Complete with the following box artwork:

You have NO idea how it pains me to write this.  That photo alone still makes my skin crawl.  Look at what it says above that evil shadowy creature.  Sounds like a nice child-friendly movie, right?  Or not!  Look what is says over at Rotten Tomatoes - "Watership Down is a serious, even grim tale that many will find relentless and depressing and others will find poetic and moving. It doesn't pull any punches. Death -- violent, disturbing death -- is ever present, portrayed in a manner that is astonishingly honest for a cartoon."  It's a fricken movie about murderous rabbits.  You've got brown bunnies and gray bunnies massacring the hell out of each other like it's the Rabbit Civil War!

This leads me to one of two possible conclusions. 1) Big brother didn't read a word on the cover, saw the rabbit and thought, "Bunnies.  Every kid likes bunnies, right?  This'll shut her up and keep her busy", or 2) big brother is a sadistic ass that wanted to scar me for life.  Although I'm 99.5% sure that the former is true, I'm not considering the latter out of the realm of possibility. 

As most stories do, I'm sure this one has gotten worse and more terrifying over the years.  At funerals, people get up to speak and seem to remember only the good things and soon enough, you'd think they were burying a saint instead of the prick down the hall that threw rotting fish at children and constantly called the cops on you because he was sure your scented candles were "some of that wacky tobacco, or hootchie or whatever they call marijuana these days". Selective memory + the number of times you tell the story = exaggeration.  Positive or negative.  Doesn't matter which way you go, it's still going to be there.  It's in our nature.  That being said, here are a few images that I think of when someone says "rabbit":


 may as well be this...
in my world.


 You see this...                                     

I see this...


No, I won't go back and re-watch the movie.  Yes, it probably wasn't as bad as I remember.  If the typo-nazis are reading this and are starting to twitch (heh-heh twitch), I'm MUCH to traumatized to back and spell check.  Get. Over. It.

 Damn the luck that I don't have any anti-anxiety meds.  I'm guessing the nightmares will be rather rabid (see what I did there?) tonight.

I'm hoppin' out of here (see - I did it again.  I learned that from  the Brady Bunch on Crack lady I think).


  1. Oh my gawd, that movie scared the holy SHIT out of me when I was little! Gave me nightmares for years!

  2. We once had a babysitter that let us watch Lawnmower Man. I was 4. Not relevant, but still scary. And I'm afraid of worms. Like, I'll pee my pants if I see one. Sad, I know.