Monday, January 16, 2012

Part 2 (finally)

Recap from part one:  I got divorced, met an amazing man, had an amazing relationship, got kicked to the curb and then...

Yep, I drank.  After more than 6 years clean & sober I drank.  I DESERVED it.  I was going to have FUN.  I was going to go out and party like I used to and finally enjoy being single again!  It was going to be the night of my life!  At least that's how my alcoholic mind pictured the evening.  In reality, is was much more pathetic.  In fact, I was pretty pitiful.  Drinking, alone, in bed at 9 pm on a Friday night, bawling, popping old Vicodin, snot running down my face, alternating between silently sobbing and wailing, "Why me?  What did I do that was so wrong?  Why doesn't anyone love me?  Why do I even try?  What's the effin' point anyway?"   If I had to sit next to someone acting that way, even if it was a dear friend, I would seriously be contemplating whether the prison sentence I'd receive for smothering her with her own pillow would be better or worse than having to continue to listen to that self-pity parade. was that bad, and it stayed that bad until Sunday morning when I drug myself to an AA meeting and told on myself.

On a happy note, I celebrated 7 month's sobriety on Jan 12th. :-)  It's been a very hard road back, but I'm getting there.

Next blog:  Things I've learned in the last 7 months.

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