Friday, January 27, 2012

Defending my Sanity

My 3rd grader is learning to write in cursive.  Yes, some schools still teach that.  I was in 3rd grade in 1984-85 in a small catholic school in Wisconsin.  The cursive we learned there looked similar, but not the same as the cursive my sister learned 6 years later in public school.  It all came down to capital T and capital Q.  Today (thanks to Zaner-Bloser™), capital T and Q look like this: . When the nuns were making us practice our penmanship with those weird-ass shaped pens, holding them JUST SO, and sitting JUST SO in our chairs, with our papers at the appropriate angle in relation to our bodies, we were taught to write them like this:  .  The Palmer™ method was very fond of loops.  If you are passionate like I am about this topic, you will most definetly want to investigate further.  I suggest looking HERE. Once you have satiated your curiosity, you should probably look for a therapist.  After all, it IS only cursive handwriting and most of us write in some sort of hybrid font that we're most comfortable with if we're not able to type it out.

So...back to the title and defending my sanity.  My parents and other siblings tend to think I'm crazy and remember things that didn't actually happen when I was a child.  Unfortunately, my memory is BIZARRELY accurate for weird details.  I'm kind of a Cliff Claven of sorts.  That being said, I cannot tell you what I had for lunch yesterday or where I set down my cellphone.  So, your honor, in my defense, I was RIGHT when I told people I learned to write differently than the kids do today (just one more way I have been scarred by catholic school), and now I have the proof (if you've forgotten already, reexamine the link above).

For the record, I was ALSO right when I insisted on the existence of Purple Spoon Kitty and Wicked Knife and Fork (although, to be fair, my sister-in-law did back me up on this one).  Skip ahead to 12:50 in Spoon Mountain to revel in the splendor of it all.   Ok, ok, ok, so I called her Purple Spoon Kitty instead of Purple Twirling Kitty.  Close enough.  She WAS twirling a spoon, so my memory was not wrong, just a tiny bit jumbled.  You can't believe how giddy I am to find this!  In fact, I think the entire scene should be reenacted by two of my favorite bloggers.  I see the Dumpster Diving Diva playing the purple kitty and this Mustashe-clad squirrel fighting ninja starring in the roll of Wicked Knife and Fork.  When they start raking in the dough from this performance, I better get front-row tickets and a backstage pass.  And popcorn...unless it's a live performance in a swanky establishment...then I want seats in the VIP box on the side where the old heckling men from the muppets sat...and I want those little opera binoculars.  Those famous bitches better spring for dinner too.  Of course it won't cost much since the Kitty is a vegan and the Mustache Ninja most likely doesn't sit still long enough to eat.  Maybe going out for drinks would be better.  Kitty and I can giggle while the ninja gets liquored up. Good times, good times.  And then I'll love them and hug them and squeeze them and I will call them George.  Yes, 2 people, 1 name.  It's easier that way.  They're both blonde, skinny, beautiful, and funny as hell.  It'll be fine.  Fine until the now drunken ninja sporks me and the Kitty throws me in the dumpster to look for babies.

See...I'm not crazy at all.

Have you ever watched the movie Jumanji?  Now THAT movie pissed me off.  Grownup bastards that don't believe children!

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